Its been a hot minute since i have put up a blog post, which upsets me because i really want to work hard at this and make a good name for my brand. But lets get real for a minute.
I have suffered with depression since i was about 13, Possibly earlier. So i’m no stranger to the feeling of anxiety, self hatred, and thoughts of self harm, worthlessness and all the other battles we go through. I have also battled with and probably still battle with eating disorders but that’s a blog for another day.
Recently i have been feeling this way again, for years I suppressed it and was adamant that i could handle it on my own, without therapy or medication, until recently. I still to this day cannot accept the way i am and hate almost every part of my body, i have zero energy to be a good and active engaging parent (thank god for my husband, that guy deserves a trophy) and although i am amazing at making lists and plans, even writing goals, I am terrible at following through. I cannot remember the last time i completed anything.
I hate the way I am living my life, I hate the person I have become, but no matter how much i pray for the will to change, i cannot drum up the energy to keep going let alone start.
I have never really been open with this and those around me might be shocked to know it, I’m a very big “fake it till you make it” person, but it just wont cut it anymore, i’m sick of the negative energy i bring myself so this week i will be visiting my doctor to go on an antidepressant. The last time i was offered them by a doctor i threw them in my doctors face and told them I didn’t need them (i was 15 and very rebellious to authority)
If you have a similar story, or are one who has hidden the truth from those they love, Be honest with yourself and those who care about you. ITS OKAY! Its okay to feel this way, and its MORE THAN OKAY to ask for help, it doesn’t make you any less of a person, it doesn’t make you weak, it wont defeat you. If anything it will make you stronger, having the courage to say you need help is one of the most admirable and strong things you can do.
Start small, and you can conquer all