Why all the Envy!?

Honestly the amount of false hatred caused by envy that I hold in my Heart makes me wonder why I’m not having heart attacks! I have a friend who is an AMAZING blogger ( like i have wanted to be a blogger/vlogger for over 5 years with zero motivation, and here she comes with a goal and boom she does it!) Then I know other people who have been vlogging on YouTube for 5 minutes compared to my 5 years and they are BOOMING! and here i am with my small outreach but instead of using that to drive me to do better, im moping about how everyone i know is better than me at things i have been wanting to do forever compared to their 4 minutes!

I feel hatred, i feel jealousy, i feel mad but the only thing i know for sure is those feelings are just a mask for depression and frustration toward myself for not getting off my now VERY fat arse and doing something about it, not fueling that desire by the negative feelings, instead i wallow… Yeah, real smart Kristy!

Side note: if you are or know who im referencing please try to see this as my journey towards self improvement because if i really look deep down, i feel those things towards myself, not you. My true and honest feelings toward you as a person is pride, pride that you are able to succeed at things im not, pride that you are achieving your goals and pride that you are walking your path.

Now back to inner rage… I sit here full from eating 2 pies, 1/4 bag of snake lollies, 1/8 block of chocolate and a late lunch of KFC and knowing that ive expressed this rage before and nothing, I have set goals before and nothing, i have even written goals in a previous post and still reverted back to where i was, i lose weight and reward myself with food i crave like a little excited puppy. So how do i change, how do i force myself to kick this inner lazy unmotivated bitch out of my head so i can start to feel pride for myself and reach my own goals!

I want to be a mediating, yoga doing, vegan who vlogs and writes her blog, I wanna receive products and items to review for people who care about my opinion, i wanna be able to jump on a trampoline with my kids and not sit on the sidelines watching my sister-in-law play with my kids instead because i exceed the weight limit and don’t wanna break it. but most of all i want to love myself, i dont wanna hate who i am, i dont wanna set goals and just not do them.

Have you experienced this, do you have any tips to help me, or do you just want to share your story too? don’t be shy, knowing you are not alone when you feel the most isolated is the best feeling ever.

K x

 

What’s In a Name

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

I wanted to take a bit of time to focus on my brand name. “Spills and Serenity”

Those of you who have ventured over here from my social media would know that I used to go by “MissKriiiisty” when i first started my YouTube channel 4 years ago.

When I became pregnant and after the birth of my son, i struggled for years to keep up with my content, keeping it consistent and keeping up with the beauty blogger category i had put myself into. Beauty and Make up was no longer a priority, i still very much enjoyed it, but i had been given a new hat to wear. The Mom Hat. I was lucky if i wore make up once a week, hell i was lucky if i showered once a week – Gross i know but don’t judge!

My priorities changed, my passions changed, I changed. I did go through a very tough time with postnatal depression as well as the severe clinical depression I was diagnosed with at 14 so i struggled a lot, self-esteem issues were through the roof and i battled my own demons constantly. Then we started trying to conceive Molly, which in turn took me further than ever from the “Beauty Vlogger” category, I wanted to vlog my pregnancy updates, cravings, symptoms, gender prediction tests. All of the things i didn’t know about when we were trying to conceive Mayson. I went through a couple more name changes, (like this blog post if your were around for MissMommmy) but nothing seemed to resonate with how i felt as a person and who i wanted to become.

After ALOT of deliberation back and forth as well as constant admiration of Amber Marie’s consistency and determination (not to mention how pretty) her blog is, during a coffee date one day, I picked her brain. She knew things i couldn’t have imagined about the creativity of a website, things i was so closed off to because i felt like a foreigner in my own space. She threw ideas at me and gave me so many suggestions that when i went home that night it struck me “SPILLS AND SERENITY”. I immediately rang her to see what she thought of the idea and after explaining how i came up with it she loved it, more importantly, I LOVED IT.

For the first time in years I felt like i had found my brand, the name in which to represent my name, my family, and my goals. So here goes.



SPILLS

1782324_271133906384687_2017609088_o
Kristy – 2 Years

The SPILLS portion of the name references to the ups and downs, the mistakes and messes of mother hood, and the tragedies of drama, self-doubt and the over all emotional roller-coaster that is LIFE



SERENITY

be720e3f0a21cb1656b199192c073fd9

Serenity is the Zen, peaceful body you become when you have reached your goals, accepting you for who you are, changing what makes you unhappy, and becoming the person ou dreamt you could be. Living in a serene world where nothing can get you down because you know who you truly are.



 

So basically to sum it all up, I want to share my journey from the messy and sporadic life I live now, and work my way to a peaceful and serene life i dream of.

Thank you so much for reading and I would love to hear your stores in the comments.

K x