Inspire;

I have been notorious for comparing myself to other bloggers, social media moguls, celebrities you name it, I’ve compared myself! But i’m working on not doing that anymore, so in the words of the STUNNING Cara Alwill Leyba “If you like something about another woman, TELL Her!!!”

So this is a total boast post of a few babes I am inspired by!

Mel Rose; Author of Food and the City Blog!

I have followed this babe for at least 5 maybe even 6 years, and she is just stunning inside and out! she is an amazing food blogger and i cannot guarantee you wont drool when you read her socials!!! She started off as a beauty blogger on YouTube and branched out into the food blog universe and boy does she know her niche! She posts the most amazing food-grams, fashion posts and inspiring tidbits! Shes stunningly beautiful and she knows how to have a good time! She is the kind of person that once you have found her, you will want to follow every social and be her best friend just like me!

Mel Rose

Jamie Genevieve; YouTuber and Make up Goddess

Jamie, Jamie, Jamie… There’s something about this chick that just makes you feel like her best friend, maybe its the amazing tattoos, the infectious smile or the approachable persona, but honestly, she is EVERYTHING. Jamie is a Professional Make-up Artist and boy is she pure talent. AND, she has just started vlogging!!! 30 minutes of Jamie every week.. AH YES PLEASE! I’m Obsessed, You just need to follow her!

Jamie Genenieve

With The Whittakers / Jordan Whittaker 

This Mama, is probably the sweetest, most genuine person, Shes never put up a front, shes real and honest in all her posts. I remember i wrote her an email last year (cause we are totally friends and everything 😛 I wish) ANYWAY, I wrote her an email basically explaining how sorry i was for neglecting her socials, that it was out of pure jealousy, lack of self esteem and not feeling like i was good enough to be friends with her let alone just try and talk to her cause she is just way too cool for the likes of me. My oh My! I did not expect her response! Not only was she completely cool about it, but she understood, she reminded me that she is human too and that she valued my strength and honesty, Since then I have been to embarrassed to talk to her still but i am getting there,  the best part is that she  DOESN’T JUDGE ME for it! This Mama is Stunning, she is a super fashionista with her style as well as her toddler style for Her children Brooklyn and Marlo, she plans and preps her meals (that look amazing) shes a social media influencer and inspires mums all over the world to be the best version of themselves they can be and to not put so much pressure on themselves, while reminding them that she struggles too, its her job to take good photos and post inspiring tidbits but she has her moments too, just like we all do. Jordan is the mom friend we all need ❤

The Whittakers

Rocky and Ruby Blog / Rebecca Keil

This mama is your classic Kiwi mum with a confident twist, She is cool as a cucumber and real as fuck, shes not afraid to show us that it’s really is okay to say that our kids are really just pissing us off and she doesn’t bend herself or her content to societies norm, she will tell you the great, the fun, the shit and the awful side of parenting and wont take shit from no one. I absolutely LOVE her for this quality, but not only that, she is gorgeous! An MUA by trade, and is so in tune with herself that she can pull off any look, while keeping her kids styled to the nines. I have followed her since she made and sold kids clothing and now she has evolved into this powerhouse blogging mom, she is a breath of fresh air for any mum, and her classic kiwi humor is hilarity!

Rocky and Ruby Blog

Cara Alwill Leyba / The Champagne Diet

I can’t mention Cara without adding her to this list! Cara is a Master life coach, Blogger and Best selling author of my favorite book Girl Code. She has single handedly lead a community of thousands of Lady bosses to pursue their dreams of entrepreneurship, self love, empowerment and to straight up just SLAY BABY! She has changed and improved so many lives as well as her own, she is a Queen in Chanel! I love this woman so much and she inspires me every day to pursue my dreams, even if i don’t know what they are yet, girl has still got me chasing them.

Cara

Now if i could, i would take each and every one of these beautiful ladies out for a coffee and lead into the night with champagne (or beer eh Rebecca 😂 ) , Thank you ladies for being true to who you are and inspiring me to find my true me, Shes here somewhere and if it wasn’t for your light, id never find her ❤

K x

Dear food

We need to talk, please know that what I’m about to say is about me, not you.

I think the time has come where I need to let our relationship go. It has been an good 26 years, you were always there for me whenever I needed someone to talk to, if I was lonely, and you made me feel good, no matter what. But today I realised that this relationship is not good for me, my body or my family.

We are toxic together, I’m sorry but it’s the truth. Your relationship is bad for not only my body but for my children as well. You no longer make me feel whole and warm, I no longer feel complete when we are together. Instead I feel sick, I want to vomit to make the feeling go away because I don’t know when to stop, I find it hard to breathe and I don’t feel good in anything I wear. My depression is taking over and my relationship with you is the catalyst in my bad health. I don’t want to feel this way anymore!

So I think it’s time that we break up, it’s not you, it’s me… I’m craving something else.

Something that fuels my entire body and not my emotions, something clean, light and weightless, something to give me energy and to show my children that we need to eat to live and not live to eat, so I’m sorry, but I am moving in with healthy eating tomorrow. Please have your stuff out by then. I know you’ll find happiness somewhere, but this girl is screaming to come out and I need to let her.

Me at 73kg 17 years old (2007)
Me at 73kg 17 years old (2007)

Goodbye junk food.

K x

Just stick to something;

Shocker, I have been MIA again! No surprises there eh? I’m not going to make up excuses because there really isn’t one, most people push through an obstacle, i sit and wallow in it.

This past month or so I have been battling with my depression again, nothing too extreme (thank goodness) but enough to listen to the mean girl in my head telling me that i am worthless, that no one cares about what i have to say or the posts and pictures that i put up or even in the real world where no one will care if i join them for coffee because they probably don’t even like me anyway or the hardest one, I don’t want to take my child to school because i don’t want his classmates to tease him for having a fat mom. But I won’t go too much more into it because the things my subconscious tells me are things that you wouldn’t want to hear said to another person. It gets pretty mean up in there.

I have a very unmotivated, lazy and why bother sort of personality that figures nobody cares so why should I, But then there is a pipsqueak little voice deep down that is trying to shout above it and remind me of the dreams I have not only for myself, but for my children too, it wants to tell me to screw what others think and do what I want to do, to push forward because the finish line is so much brighter, i can picture it but i have never seen it and it really is greener over there.

the grass ain’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it

So i’m walking in my Nana’s footsteps and i’m and going to channel her green thumb because this isn’t the life i want, not by a long shot, and I have so many goals/dreams and things I want to achieve that I don’t have time to keep wallowing in this pathetic little bubble of self loathing and misery, sure it is going to be difficult, and sure i am bound to fail plenty more times but as long as i keep getting back up, I will succeed!

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Im sick of coming around to another birthday, easter, christmas and suddenly realising that i have just let my life fly by and I have done nothing with it. I want more for myself, I deserve better, and my kids deserve better!

So yet again this is ANOTHER testimony to myself and my readers that I will grow, change and shrink! there are a few plans in the works and i will post more about them at another time but for now i will sign off with a little quote i learned from a Melissa Ambrosini Book “Mastering you Mean girl”

“I love and accept myself unconditionally and wholeheartedly” ~ Melissa Ambrosini

K x

Comparison is a Battle you will Never Win

Today is a normal day, #momlife trip to the supermarket for some essentials, and then i saw her.. A woman I went to Highschool with. This Woman is Stunning, she has the most amazing figure, gorgeous fashion sense, she is a real estate agent so she can afford luxury items and She drives an SUV.

As soon as I saw her, I buckled, I felt like that awkward emo fat girl from school again who felt like I should be losing weight and barely eat to look like her, and get segregated because i’m copying her out of envy.

I Immediately bowed my head hoping she wouldn’t recognise me and then my inner mean girl started talking/yelling in my head “you’re twice the size you were in school, you slob” “haha she has the job, the car, the body and you have nothing” “Kristy, Face it, You’re the BIGGEST Loser ever””You’ll Never be as pretty and successful as her!”

But you Know what, NO! I don’t WANT the Job, I can’t sell to save my life, I want to be a blogger full time. Yeah Okay I’d love a figure like hers but I will work Hard to get a figure that is perfect for me and i will have earned the beautiful slimmer clothing I will be able to wear. Kristy You have 2 amazing children and a Loving Adoring Husband And you have a fantastic life to look forward to.

Moral of the story,581621541-compare

You never know what other people are going through behind the scenes, what they have been through or, what they are going through. We can only see what they want you to see from the outside.

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I will have my perfect life and i have a pretty damn amazing one now.

Dont Compare yourself to others, Its a battle you will never win.

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Learn to love the person you are and the life you have now, and strive to achieve your dreams.

K x

P.s If you Do Read this I am So proud of the person you are, the hard work you have put in to have the life you have. I hope you achieve all of your life goals and dreams. Hopefully next time I wont be so bitter and embarrassed and I will Say Hello instead of pretending i’m invisible.

p.p.s I have updated this post to more descriptively portray the emotion that went into the encounter. This post was never about her, or her as a person. The simple fact is she inspired the post because of how i regressed to a depressed state when i saw my high school past in front of me, but it was never about her as a person.

New Years Res #1 – CHECK

On my previous post i wrote down a few small goals i had for myself this year, and wholly shit would you believe it, I ACHIEVED A GOAL!

Over this past week My Husband, my children and myself moved into our own home (a rental of course, buying a home.. Pssh too much commitment for me just yet!)

We found the perfect little 4 bedroom home with a fenced back section, fireplace and open plan living dining and kitchen area, both kids get their own room and hubby and i get n office/filming space! it is perfection

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We are still finding homes for things and getting out hands on furniture as we had none from our downsize when we moved to this town but the privacy, the accomplishment and feeling like an adult again who is in control of my own life and home is by far the best feeling in the world.

Dont get me wrong, i am super appreciative and grateful to my mom for taking us in when we went through a tough spot, but it is our time to move onward and upwards.

2017 is our year to achieve our goals! Have you got any specific goals that you want to achieve or have already achieved? I would love to know!

Life In a Blender

September dealt me the worst hand i have ever had to experience.

Within 2 months my Nana has gone from Happy, Healthy, Fit, taking multivitamins, regular walks, exemplary diet. a very young 67 year old, to gaunt, barely walking, barely talking, cant get out of bed, minimal appetite. She is no longer the Nana I remember.

My Nana has been diagnosed with a very severe, aggressive case of Melanoma Cancer.

At the rate it is going, we are going to be lucky to see Christmas Day with her.

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I cant even begin to explain the toll this has had on our close knit family, My Aunty (who moved home from Sydney over a year ago and has been residing in the upstairs portion of the family home with her husband and children since) and My Granddad have pulled strength from every ounce of their being to ensure she has the best care she could possibly get, but still she declines.

I don’t really know how to explain this properly or even portray how i feel, I have never lost anyone this close to me before, which is why I haven’t been blogging much, i haven’t been able to control my eating or exercise and the emotional toll its taking is beyond anything i could have prepared for. I know she is going to die, i cant imagine my life without her. She has always been supportive, loving and accepting of me and my decisions, even though i always felt like the black sheep, the failure of the family. My cousin (it was always us 2 grandies, we grew up like siblings) He went to the NZ Army, Got buff, saved his money and traveled… I am morbidly obese, i don’t have a job, nor do i know what career i wanted to pursue, highly depressed and zero self confidence. I’m the Failure. When i found out about her cancer i said to myself that i wanted to do everything i could to prove to her that i’m not the dropkick of the family, I can get healthy and make something of myself, Ill make her proud, then my family told her I felt that way

“I am already proud of her i always have been, she has an amazing family and is a fantastic mother, and that isn’t an easy thing to do”

grandparents-wedding

Well SHIT Nana… picturing her saying those words is the most valuable thing in the world to me, because knowing we may not even ring in Christmas day with her has sent me in so much of a rut that i’m nearing 130 kg and cannot stop emotionally eating.

I know this post is completely spastic and makes zero sense but right now this is my brain, I am so emotionally drained that i can barely function past looking after my children, i’m lucky if i shower more than once a week.. (gross but true)

I felt it was about time i shared whats really been holding me back, i have only told a handful of people and its hard to admit to, people also don’t really understand how serious it is, they assume she has a few years left… nope.. not even 3 months.

She will never see my children into their teens, or turn 21, nor will she see them get married, the chances of seeing my son start his first day at school are slim to none… Im not ready…

 

K x

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It’s the small things

Last week i had one of the most productive “good mom” feeling days I have had in a while, we had plans to meet up with a friend of mine for a picnic at the lake so our children could run around and play while we chat!

So we got up early, packed a huge lunch and even condiments to make sandwiches, we had all kinds of fruit and snacks and set on our way.

Immediately the kids bolted to the playground and daddy was first round spectator while I prepped some sandwiches and played best fiends to pass the time till my friend and her family arrived.

Mid streak of my green leaves in level 66 I heard a lady whisper “excuse me” behind me, it was a gorgeous blonde haired woman in a dilemma, Her daughter had filled her nappy and they had forgotten their baby wipes, Of course I responded with a “Oh my gosh of course, I have been there plenty of times” And handed her the whole packet so she could use as many as she needed.

It made me think about times where I have forgotten something as simple as the baby wipes, I felt useless, the mean girl voice would tell me that i was a bad mom for forgetting something like wipes. Now i’m definitely not saying that she felt this way but we never know what people are feeling or thinking. I would have loved to have had the courage to ask a random person for wipes, for me: I would have just accepted defeat and gone home, despite having only just arrived. So to be able to do something like help a new mom out with a few baby wipes could have helped her make the most of her afternoon in the sun.

Look out for one another, even the smallest thing could change someones life

K x

I’m a Bad Mom!

Have you seen Bad Moms Yet? If not, WHY!

I literally just finished watching this movie and immediately had to blog about my experience! Let me set the scene,

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Kids are in bed, fast asleep, I have wine, a french stick bread and my favorite Basil Pesto chunky dip, headphones on, snuggled by myself on the couch, ready to emmerse myself!

Throughout this entire movie I didn’t know whether to laugh because it was so hilarious or cry because it was so relatble! They could not have picked a better cast for this movie, first of all I LOVE Mila Kunis! she just has that down to earth vibe that just makes you want to be her friend, and i don’t think anyone could have played Amy Mitchell better than she did. But to be totally honest with you, I didn’t want to blog about how good the acting was or what part was my favorite, i want to focus on the message.

As moms we always feel this constant struggle to be the best, even if we don’t judge other moms, we are always comparing ourselves or wishing we could give our kids more, be more organised, provide healthier meals, Be the impossible! But that in and of itself is impossible, there is no way we can do it all, we cant afford it all, we cant do it all and we cant be it all, but what we can do.. is try!

We work ourselves to the bone to try and prove that we are some magic super mom that quite frankly doesn’t exist, we all struggle, we all feel down and we all feel insane at times AND THAT IS OKAY!

I want to share and encourage the message, that we should never feel like we have to compete to be like another mom, cause she is most likely competing to be like someone else too and its not fair! We need to bring each other up, we need to empower other mothers and tell them that they are doing a great job, when we see that defeated look in their eye we need to reassure them that they are amazing, even a simple “i feel ya babe” glance when you see them fighting a surf board baby into a car seat.

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My blurb- My kids only eat 50-70% of their dinner every night, i have to bribe them with a treat (even just a simple hot choc) just to try and get them to eat one more mouthful, maximum 4 days a week its vegetables because i’m just too tired of battling with them to eat a simple meal and i’m just trying to get SOME food into them, they get a bath maybe once or twice a week because i’m just too exhausted at the end of the day and cannot visibly see any dirt on them, they only brush their teeth at night, sometimes less for my daughter because i cannot bare to hold her down to shove a toothbrush in her mouth because all she does is suck the toothpaste off, my son has No ears and is repeatedly doing things we have asked him not to do 5 seconds before hand, which leads to the yelling! Most days I feel like i am yelling 24/7. I’m not a creative hands on mom that will sit down to teach my kids lessons every day like colors and numbers, yeah we talk about it and i do exercises with them through daily activities but i don’t have a number of books and pens and paints to be super hands on. But despite all of those difficulties and failures, at the end of the day my children are happy, bright, loving, caring, healthy and bubbly children who will go far in life because we are learning and figuring the world out together. I don’t have it all figured out, fuck, by the posts I have done you can tell that i’m a mess, But i love my kids with everything I am and even though i’m not the perfect mom i wish i was. I Am OK. Moms, I got you! We all got each other! Share your stories, share your struggles, don’t be ashamed, don’t be embarrassed, embrace the bullshit that comes with motherhood and lets be bad moms together!

 

K x

I Just Can’t…

This month has been quite literally one of the hardest months of my life, I think i adjusted better to becoming a mum!

First big hit was finding out a very close family member is terminally ill. I then injured my knee which now means I am unable to work, exercise or walk normally, and my diet has been so all over the place that i swear I’ve gained the equivalent weight of Molly.

And despite knowing better, I made the abhorrent decision to make matters worse and self medicate with food…

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And not just some fries, I went all out! Large Boss Burger Combo + a Filet-O-Fish burger! All because i let my emotions take over, I have just been given almost a month off work following my doctors appointment today, a referral to a counselor and medication to relieve anxiety, I cried most of my docs appointment and was filled with fear about telling my boss I need more time off work when she is already unsupportive and livid that i have had 2 weeks off already. Needless to say, the only way i knew I could feel better was food. Why is this a norm for me, i didnt enjoy it at all, it didnt help me in the slightest, i still have all the same feelings only now i have added regret, nausea and self loathing. Im so mad that instead of meditating or reading a book or even blogging about it, I went straight for the drive through. Ugh I just can’t. Thanks for the Vent!

Have you overcome this urge? any tips are most welcome!

Luxe Fitness – First Impression

My Instagram has been inundated with encouragement and likes in regard to my post about my Luxe Fitness Protein Powder Purchase, So I wanted to give a little first impression on my order experience and first taste etc.

Ordering and Shipping: The process was easy to follow and super quick, it arrived really quickly too, I ordered on Friday night and it arrived 3 pm on Monday afternoon.

Packaging: It came in a cute small box and everything was packaged safely in bubble wrap. The label and the presentation of the actual product is super modern and appealing, I’m obsessed with the overall presentation. It is definitely Aesthetically pleasing!

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instagram.com/spillsnserenity

Taste Test: I got the Vanilla Flavor, purely because i thought it would be more universal in different flavored smoothies and would taste great with various fruits etc, But obviously I wanted to try it on its own first. I mixed it with milk for the first try as i find protein shakes tend be a lot creamier mixed that way and boy was it good!! OMG it was super creamy, and so yummy!! And I’m not a huge Vanilla person but i really enjoyed it, It mixed really well, it wasn’t lumpy or grainy and it was enjoyable right to the end of the cup. I have yet to try it with water or mix it in a fruit smoothie but I’m excited to experiment with different fruits and flavors.

As for any progress or the fat-burner, I will be keeping a journal of how I am doing and any progress I make, but overall, So far I am super impressed and i’m excited to see where it takes me!

K x