As you have probably noticed, i have been MIA for the last month and a bit, with good reason I promise.
If you saw my last post you know that my grandmother died last month after a very short and sudden battle with melanoma cancer. From diagnosis to death was about 6-8 weeks. For an extremely healthy and active 67 year old, its safe to say we are still in shock. I took a leave of absence from all my social media since as i couldnt pretend that everything was okay anymore. I was drowning, i would cuddle a blanket that she made me every night to fall asleep and if i didnt have that blanket then i would cry.
I found a screenshot in my camera roll of a text message she sent me when she was sick, 1 month before she died.
Then a few days later at my new job, my facebook memories showed me this gem on Boxing day.
So of course memories of this day and every other moment these two shared, and the notion that there will be no more pages to their book brought me to the floor, at work.
So as you can see, its been a hard road. and its not getting any easier, I’m just learning to cope better. But Nana wouldn’t want me to be this sad, she would want me to have my moment and then pull myself up and continue.
One thing i wanted to do before we knew how long she had left was show her that i can be the strong and independent woman she would want me to be, healthy mind body and soul and doing what I love. She grew her wings before i could show her that im not a loser. So with that i move on and up, 2016 held nothing special for me, I coasted through the whole year, i achieved nothing other than gaining another 10 kg.
I know they always say not to push for goals unless they are for yourself but i have a very minuscule opinion of myself and cant even get out of my bed for myself at my level of depression, so Nana, I will achieve my goals, FOR YOU.
So with the negative out of the way, here are a few very small and very achievable goals I have set for myself so next Christmas is filled with positivity and accomplishment
- Move out of my Mums and into a Rental of our own (well on our way to this as we are viewing 2 houses next week)
- Lose 2-4 kg per month
- Upload a blog post 1- 2 times per week
- Upload 1 youtube video per week
- Save Money
- Do 1 photo-shoot by the end of the year (Jackie If you read this, Your my goals ❤ )
I figure the smaller the goal, the more achievable it is. I am constantly attached to Facebook so i will link my public page here so you can see how im going, see when i upload new content and share your journey with me as well! I also have a private group too if you want to join that, here. (I havent used it in a long time but i would like to have a space where more private people can share where they are at x)
2017 will NOT be another fail year!! We got this Babies!