New Years Res #1 – CHECK

On my previous post i wrote down a few small goals i had for myself this year, and wholly shit would you believe it, I ACHIEVED A GOAL!

Over this past week My Husband, my children and myself moved into our own home (a rental of course, buying a home.. Pssh too much commitment for me just yet!)

We found the perfect little 4 bedroom home with a fenced back section, fireplace and open plan living dining and kitchen area, both kids get their own room and hubby and i get n office/filming space! it is perfection

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We are still finding homes for things and getting out hands on furniture as we had none from our downsize when we moved to this town but the privacy, the accomplishment and feeling like an adult again who is in control of my own life and home is by far the best feeling in the world.

Dont get me wrong, i am super appreciative and grateful to my mom for taking us in when we went through a tough spot, but it is our time to move onward and upwards.

2017 is our year to achieve our goals! Have you got any specific goals that you want to achieve or have already achieved? I would love to know!

Life In a Blender

September dealt me the worst hand i have ever had to experience.

Within 2 months my Nana has gone from Happy, Healthy, Fit, taking multivitamins, regular walks, exemplary diet. a very young 67 year old, to gaunt, barely walking, barely talking, cant get out of bed, minimal appetite. She is no longer the Nana I remember.

My Nana has been diagnosed with a very severe, aggressive case of Melanoma Cancer.

At the rate it is going, we are going to be lucky to see Christmas Day with her.

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I cant even begin to explain the toll this has had on our close knit family, My Aunty (who moved home from Sydney over a year ago and has been residing in the upstairs portion of the family home with her husband and children since) and My Granddad have pulled strength from every ounce of their being to ensure she has the best care she could possibly get, but still she declines.

I don’t really know how to explain this properly or even portray how i feel, I have never lost anyone this close to me before, which is why I haven’t been blogging much, i haven’t been able to control my eating or exercise and the emotional toll its taking is beyond anything i could have prepared for. I know she is going to die, i cant imagine my life without her. She has always been supportive, loving and accepting of me and my decisions, even though i always felt like the black sheep, the failure of the family. My cousin (it was always us 2 grandies, we grew up like siblings) He went to the NZ Army, Got buff, saved his money and traveled… I am morbidly obese, i don’t have a job, nor do i know what career i wanted to pursue, highly depressed and zero self confidence. I’m the Failure. When i found out about her cancer i said to myself that i wanted to do everything i could to prove to her that i’m not the dropkick of the family, I can get healthy and make something of myself, Ill make her proud, then my family told her I felt that way

“I am already proud of her i always have been, she has an amazing family and is a fantastic mother, and that isn’t an easy thing to do”

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Well SHIT Nana… picturing her saying those words is the most valuable thing in the world to me, because knowing we may not even ring in Christmas day with her has sent me in so much of a rut that i’m nearing 130 kg and cannot stop emotionally eating.

I know this post is completely spastic and makes zero sense but right now this is my brain, I am so emotionally drained that i can barely function past looking after my children, i’m lucky if i shower more than once a week.. (gross but true)

I felt it was about time i shared whats really been holding me back, i have only told a handful of people and its hard to admit to, people also don’t really understand how serious it is, they assume she has a few years left… nope.. not even 3 months.

She will never see my children into their teens, or turn 21, nor will she see them get married, the chances of seeing my son start his first day at school are slim to none… Im not ready…

 

K x

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It’s the small things

Last week i had one of the most productive “good mom” feeling days I have had in a while, we had plans to meet up with a friend of mine for a picnic at the lake so our children could run around and play while we chat!

So we got up early, packed a huge lunch and even condiments to make sandwiches, we had all kinds of fruit and snacks and set on our way.

Immediately the kids bolted to the playground and daddy was first round spectator while I prepped some sandwiches and played best fiends to pass the time till my friend and her family arrived.

Mid streak of my green leaves in level 66 I heard a lady whisper “excuse me” behind me, it was a gorgeous blonde haired woman in a dilemma, Her daughter had filled her nappy and they had forgotten their baby wipes, Of course I responded with a “Oh my gosh of course, I have been there plenty of times” And handed her the whole packet so she could use as many as she needed.

It made me think about times where I have forgotten something as simple as the baby wipes, I felt useless, the mean girl voice would tell me that i was a bad mom for forgetting something like wipes. Now i’m definitely not saying that she felt this way but we never know what people are feeling or thinking. I would have loved to have had the courage to ask a random person for wipes, for me: I would have just accepted defeat and gone home, despite having only just arrived. So to be able to do something like help a new mom out with a few baby wipes could have helped her make the most of her afternoon in the sun.

Look out for one another, even the smallest thing could change someones life

K x

I’m a Bad Mom!

Have you seen Bad Moms Yet? If not, WHY!

I literally just finished watching this movie and immediately had to blog about my experience! Let me set the scene,

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Kids are in bed, fast asleep, I have wine, a french stick bread and my favorite Basil Pesto chunky dip, headphones on, snuggled by myself on the couch, ready to emmerse myself!

Throughout this entire movie I didn’t know whether to laugh because it was so hilarious or cry because it was so relatble! They could not have picked a better cast for this movie, first of all I LOVE Mila Kunis! she just has that down to earth vibe that just makes you want to be her friend, and i don’t think anyone could have played Amy Mitchell better than she did. But to be totally honest with you, I didn’t want to blog about how good the acting was or what part was my favorite, i want to focus on the message.

As moms we always feel this constant struggle to be the best, even if we don’t judge other moms, we are always comparing ourselves or wishing we could give our kids more, be more organised, provide healthier meals, Be the impossible! But that in and of itself is impossible, there is no way we can do it all, we cant afford it all, we cant do it all and we cant be it all, but what we can do.. is try!

We work ourselves to the bone to try and prove that we are some magic super mom that quite frankly doesn’t exist, we all struggle, we all feel down and we all feel insane at times AND THAT IS OKAY!

I want to share and encourage the message, that we should never feel like we have to compete to be like another mom, cause she is most likely competing to be like someone else too and its not fair! We need to bring each other up, we need to empower other mothers and tell them that they are doing a great job, when we see that defeated look in their eye we need to reassure them that they are amazing, even a simple “i feel ya babe” glance when you see them fighting a surf board baby into a car seat.

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My blurb- My kids only eat 50-70% of their dinner every night, i have to bribe them with a treat (even just a simple hot choc) just to try and get them to eat one more mouthful, maximum 4 days a week its vegetables because i’m just too tired of battling with them to eat a simple meal and i’m just trying to get SOME food into them, they get a bath maybe once or twice a week because i’m just too exhausted at the end of the day and cannot visibly see any dirt on them, they only brush their teeth at night, sometimes less for my daughter because i cannot bare to hold her down to shove a toothbrush in her mouth because all she does is suck the toothpaste off, my son has No ears and is repeatedly doing things we have asked him not to do 5 seconds before hand, which leads to the yelling! Most days I feel like i am yelling 24/7. I’m not a creative hands on mom that will sit down to teach my kids lessons every day like colors and numbers, yeah we talk about it and i do exercises with them through daily activities but i don’t have a number of books and pens and paints to be super hands on. But despite all of those difficulties and failures, at the end of the day my children are happy, bright, loving, caring, healthy and bubbly children who will go far in life because we are learning and figuring the world out together. I don’t have it all figured out, fuck, by the posts I have done you can tell that i’m a mess, But i love my kids with everything I am and even though i’m not the perfect mom i wish i was. I Am OK. Moms, I got you! We all got each other! Share your stories, share your struggles, don’t be ashamed, don’t be embarrassed, embrace the bullshit that comes with motherhood and lets be bad moms together!

 

K x

Luxe Fitness – First Impression

My Instagram has been inundated with encouragement and likes in regard to my post about my Luxe Fitness Protein Powder Purchase, So I wanted to give a little first impression on my order experience and first taste etc.

Ordering and Shipping: The process was easy to follow and super quick, it arrived really quickly too, I ordered on Friday night and it arrived 3 pm on Monday afternoon.

Packaging: It came in a cute small box and everything was packaged safely in bubble wrap. The label and the presentation of the actual product is super modern and appealing, I’m obsessed with the overall presentation. It is definitely Aesthetically pleasing!

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Taste Test: I got the Vanilla Flavor, purely because i thought it would be more universal in different flavored smoothies and would taste great with various fruits etc, But obviously I wanted to try it on its own first. I mixed it with milk for the first try as i find protein shakes tend be a lot creamier mixed that way and boy was it good!! OMG it was super creamy, and so yummy!! And I’m not a huge Vanilla person but i really enjoyed it, It mixed really well, it wasn’t lumpy or grainy and it was enjoyable right to the end of the cup. I have yet to try it with water or mix it in a fruit smoothie but I’m excited to experiment with different fruits and flavors.

As for any progress or the fat-burner, I will be keeping a journal of how I am doing and any progress I make, but overall, So far I am super impressed and i’m excited to see where it takes me!

K x

 

 

Gratitude is a disappearing virtue!

Too often we focus on what we don’t have, what we are missing, what we wish we had, or what others have that we want. We forget to stop and take a look at the blessings we do have in our lives, the family we have, the luxuries or the simple things.

In a split second the world around you can get turned upside down, a very close family member can be given a deadly diagnosis even when they are the healthiest person you know. You could be thrown into a grim situation or just simply be in the wrong place at the wrong time and lose everything you knew

So today I want to share the things i am most grateful for!

  • My Family, I have a small immediate family but we are all super close and love each other with everything we are. We are never far from each others thoughts and enjoy every moment we have together.
  • My Body, I am grateful for my healthy body, even though its large, every blood test I have comes back exceptional, I am rarely sick and have all functioning limbs.
  • My ability to have children, I count my blessings every day that i was able to have 2 beautiful and healthy children. My heart goes out to all women who struggle or are unable to have a family.
  • My Husband, we have our ups and downs for sure, but despite any spat we may have, we are always able to work it out and come back together stronger than before. My Husband loves absolutely everything about me and reminds me everyday. I am so grateful so have found such a loving and accepting man to spend my life with and raise our family.
  • My Finances. I never thought i would say this, and even though i have debt collection bills and bad credit, I am grateful for my government for the allowances I am entitled to while I work my part time job so that i am able to provide delicious food and a happy loving environment for my children
  • My Mother, not only did she raise me to be loving, open minded and understanding, she always makes sure i have everything i need, she is always there no matter the time or place and sacrifices herself to make sure others are okay. She continues to support me no matter what, including opening up her warm loving home for my family in our time of need.

I’m sure there are many more things i could list but those are the main ones i wanted to focus on, because these are the ones we tend to take for granted.

My Task for you is to comment 3 things you are grateful for in this very moment that you are reading this.

 

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K x

My Husband Said I’m Fat!

Okay, So that’s a tiny exaggeration and probably classed as click bait but now that your here, Let me tell you a story.

Last night, My Husband and I were having a romantic Maccas combo in the car at an empty parking lot (Nana was looking after the kids while we got some essentials from the supermarket, and we took it upon ourselves to enjoy the time to ourselves and get a late dinner)
We got to talking and as per usual i made some self hate comments about my body and my weight, Now normally he would be polite and tell me how beautiful he thinks I am and be done with it, But tonight he didn’t.

He said ” Babe, Stop it, I love that your Thick” now some people might find this offensive but i was filled with butterflies. Never in the 7 years we have been together had he ever said that. He has always told me I’m beautiful and sexy and all of the above compliments a husband can give, but never has he acknowledged my size and the fact that he loved it, i always just kinda assumed he was paying me compliments just to show he loves me and wasn’t bothered by my size. But to hear him say “I love that you are on the bigger side” was magic to my ears! For the first time in i don’t even know how long, I FELT Beautiful, I felt attractive and i felt worthy.

I love him even more than i ever did and never have I appreciated him more. I am so grateful that he is in my life.

I wanted to share this story to send a message.

Every one deserves a partner who loves them exactly as they are, Never settle for less.

K x